so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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