Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
