so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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