u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
