Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We need a shit load of segways right now
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
