you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
