I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish you could order shots online.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What drink are we having for lunch?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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