This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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