You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
