Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
