the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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