the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
