Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
