you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
