He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
