I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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