If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
