i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just gift wrapped bread.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
