I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
