i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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