brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
