Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
