come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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