It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
