I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
