her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
