Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
