Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
