If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my shit smells like andre
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
