she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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