She's JV to your varsity
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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