so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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