she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
