Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
