I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
