my sisters under your porch take her home
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
