I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
