Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
