??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
