I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
