i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
