update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
