My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
