WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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