he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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