Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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