I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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