I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
