That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
