Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
