I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
