i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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