So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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