I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
