i love accidental penises.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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