ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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