I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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