Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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