Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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