There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Floor bacon is actually really good
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
