I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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