I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
