If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
