Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
