The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
