she was so not down for the gang bang
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
