i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
