lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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