my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
