the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We have started to decorate penises.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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