You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
