Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
